Matthew Cauz
CFL.ca
I had no intention of writing another column about players and Twitter, but to quote one of the worst lines in ‘The Godfather’ trilogy, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”
If I may go off topic for a moment, I believe if you just got rid of Sofia Coppola, ‘Godfather Part Three’ was at least 6.8/10. For the third part of a trilogy it really wasn’t that bad.
To make this piece at least a little bit different from my last one I’ll be adding one of those Follow Friday tweets at the end. I rarely engage in this end of the week activity, it’s nothing personal, it’s just that my cut and paste skills need some major work. However, I figure if I am going to rip off the tweets of so many talented and outspoken athletes the least I can do is promote their twitter handles.
Here are my Top-Four favourite twitter moments from this past week:
1) Avon Cobourne vs. E.J. Kuale.
Why bury the lead? This may be the best twitter feud between athletes that I have ever seen. Soon after Toronto’s 27-12 loss to Hamilton Kuale poked the bear by needling Cobourne for his lack of production. What ensued was an out-and-out twitter war.
Now instead of thinking this as a series of back-and-forth tweets, just imagine it as a dialogue in a poorly written but comical film. I’ve only take a selected number of these tweets.
Here are some of the highlights:
E.J. Kuale: Cobourne is washed up he was silent all game I did my job! #loudmouth22
Uh oh Kuale I’m not sure you want to do this! Challenging Cobourne on twitter is like trying to beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest.
Avon Cobourne: @EJKUALE you talked all game and didn’t do $h** and lost.. Keep talking and I will keep winning. #SLAPDICKERY hahaha
The Kracken has been released!
E.J. Kuale: @AvonCobourne u a sucka and will continue too be sucka chump#canuhearmenow
No idea if he can hear you E.J. but he certainly can read you.
Avon Cobourne: @EJKUALE I can hear losing.. Back to back champ.. What have u done but talk?. All those muscles and u used the 1s that can’t help your game
Not sure what that last line means, I’ll leave it alone.
E.J. Kuale: @AvonCobourne fool u washed up u aint got calvillo spotlight anymore and ya boy whitaker has made u a never was in montreal chump….
This is Kuale’s haymaker. Unfortunately this would not be enough to knock Cobourne down.
Avon Cobourne: @EJKUALE u had 2 tackles in a 53 play offensive game u will be cut soon Mr. Guarantee. @EJKUALE u r still talking n u lost.. N had 2 tackles ..? Peasant go fetch me some water.
I am officially dubbing “Peasant go fetch me some water” as the best new condescending put down. I can’t wait to use it on the interns.
E.J. Kuale: @AvonCobourne indeed 2 tackles but son you did nothing the whole game u went strong ya chump I mean curious george Not going to lie,
I have no idea what this Curious George reference is all about. My best guess is that Kuale’s been hit way too many times, starting to feel dazed and is just typing gibberish.
Avon Cobourne: I know I am arguing with a fool but some times dummies need to be put in there place. Let’s see if he is playin come week 18?
This tweet was brought to you by Mr. T.
Avon Cobourne: @EJKUALE I think your coach n half your team just twittered me n said “slow down son u killin him”. So to them n u.. NO
Ref stop the fight, stop the fight!
Avon Cobourne: @EJKUALE ok um done now u poop.. Sorry twitter fam u had to be apart of this but I had to could hold it much more…
And your winner by TKO Avon Cobounre.
I loved this feud. It was funny, it was honest and was filled with dirty tweets and references that I know my editors would not allow me to use. The best part is that these two “grown men” are a combined 50 years old, but the second they get on twitter they suddenly start acting like children ripping each other in the school yard.
2) Cory Boyd’s honesty.
When it’s not turning us back into adolescents, Twitter allows you to gain insight into a player that you may normally be shielded from by coaches and fleets of media relations departments. Consider these lines that Cory Boyd tweeted after the Argonauts loss:
1) “Man what does it take to get your playmakers the ball”
2) “Where is our foundation … Guess we forgot.”
3) “We make things harder than what they need to be.”
4) “I feel like a Puppet in this situation.”
Not the typical lines that you hear uttered from a proud player after a tough divisional loss, but it’s easy to understand his pain especially after he predicted 200 rushing. Of course unless your name is Jerome Messam; you’re probably not hitting such lofty goals. By the way Cory, judging by the way a puppet is operated I’m sure hoping you do not feel like a puppet. I’m guessing that would feel wildly uncomfortable.
3) Avon Cobounre getting upstaged by his own teammate.
This might be the upset of the weekend. I loved offensive lineman Belton Johnson’s post-game twitter chirp: “My turn to make a GUARANTEE. I GUARANTEE the Toronto Argonauts will NOT make the playoffs”
Ouch! Tough but fair.
4) Tad Kornegay adding insult to injury.
The B.C. Lions 33-24 Week 14 win over Edmonton saw Messam get ejected after he threw a punch at Kornegay.
The events prompted Tad to Tweet the following: “Thank you Messam for losing (your) composure,” Kornegay said on Twitter shortly after the game ended. “We needed you outta there haha. I’m a vet. Learn son!”
Hey Messam next time you better get out the 100 SPF because you just got burned! Yes I hate myself for writing that joke. But I don’t regret going back to the twitter angle. This league is filled with so many entertaining players, here’s hoping their respective teams allows their fingers to roam free.
FF to all my favourite players on twitter: @bjizzle58, @KingBoyd03, @EJKUALE, @AvonCobourne, @Thadito …. keep up the good work!
