Matthew Cauz
CFL.ca
After last week’s serious column I’ve decided to do a 180. My original idea was to do a pre-emptive strike and examine how the tide is turning for the Eastern Division, but I figured that would be too knee jerk, and that’s saying something coming from me. This is the first year since 2004 that the East has looked like the better division, and since it has been at least 72 hours since I’ve been accused of having an Eastern Bias, why not roll out an article about it?
But I feel we need about four more weeks to play out before we can have an accurate read on just how this season is “feeling.”
So instead of coming up with something original; I decided to go over a variety of players’ twitter accounts, cut and paste my favourite one’s and than add my own arsine comments underneath.
A couple quick general thoughts about CFL twitter accounts. This league is way too polite. I was hoping for more trash talking or general egotism in 140 character form but I really couldn’t find much. Quarterbacks were the most boring, receivers and defensive backs were usually my favourites and the two most common themes were about how blessed they were or how hungry the player was. A lot of range.
My biggest disappointment was not getting access to Odell Willis’ account and the fact that Daved Benefield is retired. I could have done 4,000 words on his tweets alone.
So let’s begin:
Marcus Adams (@chunkster51)
“I love when I’m eating something I really like and my son taste it and don’t like, that just means more for me LOL!!!!“
What’s even better is when they don’t finish their food and you get to gobble it for them. Before I was around kids on a semi-regular basis my consumption of breaded chicken fingers was minimal. Now, I have about 5-10 pounds I need to get rid of.
Nik Lewis (@nikel18)
“people appear in my dreams and tell me that they miss me, I am going to sleep. GOodnight and God Bless“
I want to have those sorts of dreams! Mine usually involve me watching Argonaut quarterbacks not turning the ball over two, three times a game. I usually wake up in lather screaming “Come back Doug Flutie! You have at least two more good years in you!”
“I think I am going sky diving off the building today“
Uhh Nik I know you’ve scored only one touchdown this season, but really, you are the Stampeders’ heart and soul and Calgary should be better soon. Don’t jump, you have so much to live for!
“does anyone know the best place to buy a parachute”
To all the local parachute salesmen in the Calgary area, if Nik Lewis approaches you, don’t, I repeat, don’t sell him any of your inventory. Just go to Saskatchewan, you’ll find plenty of players looking to jump off of a high rise.
“has anyone ever seen the inside of a polar bears mouth“
I would imagine that anyone who could answer “yes” to this question is pretty much dead.
Avon Cobourne (@AvonCobourne)
“Ok what’s wrong with West cates..? Hope they aint jerking the boy.“
Uhhhh for fear this next sentence will get heavily edited let me say that I am now curious about the medical practices used in Saskatchewan. If I take this tweet literally, either they treat injuries in a fairly shady manner or they are given spicy foods to heal all bumps and bruises. Lets just move on.
“If you guys are true fans and really believed in us we wud have sell outs like Sass, Mtl, Peg.. Are base needs to step it up.. we need U!“
This tweet is part of a trilogy of tweets. Let’s call this, Part 1: The Attack – Kind of aggressive; but the man has a real point. Coming into the Montreal game Hamilton had won two straight, Kevin Glenn and the passing offence had gotten their act together and the TiCats matchup versus Montreal was a classic early season Statement Game.
“we love the support from all of our fans but then need to get into those stands and cheer for us.. We feed off of it specially our D..“
Part II: The Semi-Apology – I’m guessing Avon was starting to feel some heat so he wisely decided to soften his stance a bit towards the Hamilton fans but he still is trying to make a valid point.
“We do have tru fans.. they are the one come 2 the games now. I was mistaking and I hope u guys forgive me. Jus lil upset lookin in da stands“
Part III: The Full Apology – All is forgiven. I appreciate his honesty here. Good on Avon for coming out and saying his emotions just got the better of him. These three tweets show the glory and the danger of twitter. It’s great for the fan to get an inside glimpse into the minds of the players we root for. However some players really need to stop and think about what they are typing before they hit send. Their words carry so much weight. Again I don’t blame Avon, I can’t even imagine the emotions that must be going through a professional athlete after a big game.
Brandon Whitaker (@B_Whit2)
“Disappointed that I had a 20 oz steak and bake potato and I’m still hungry. But I’m thankful to even be able to eat like that. Big ups G. #nodaysoff
I was going to make fun of Brandon’s “Albert Haynesworth” eating habits, but the guy is having a great year and his hash tag is #nodaysoff. I’m guessing he earned any size steak the man wants.
Rob Murphy (@BIGMURPH56 )
“Pretty interesting to see that almost all religions have some sort of ‘devil’ as the protagonist…. Guess its the whole ying-yang thing…“
Warning, warning! Rob Murphy
is writing about religion, oh this is going to be good!
“Had some Frosted Flakes this AM….. Man its been a bout 20 years since last time……. They did not disappoint!“
No, but that tweet does. Come on Rob we expect more from you. Not only will this tweet not get you fined but everyone knows that Captain Crunch is the true cereal that does not disappoint. Frosted Flakes are just glorified Corn Flakes. Amateur.
Willie Pile (@ill_will_35)
“Decent 1st episode of #Entourage but a lotta loose ends 2 tie up in (5) 30-min shows! Messed up how Ari wife found anutha man w/in 2 months!“
Not a shock that Entourage is a popular choice among athletes. Willie is right about all the loose ends. I want to know how this show became so popular despite C- acting and storylines that never went anywhere and zero character development. Beyond Johnny Drama all I will remember from this show is some fun monlogues from Ari, all the attractice women and Turtle losing 50 pounds.
Matt Black (@MattBlack39)
“Hey #America if you wanna solve your deficit once and for all you have to cut spending AND increase taxes BOTTEM LINE“
Many sports fans don’t like their athletes being political. I’ve always felt the other way. I enjoy listening to well informed, educated opinions on politics from guys that can run a 4.4 40-yard dash and embarrass the Eskimo’s punt coverage unit with a gorgeous punt return touchdown. This return just reinforced the notion that kickers not named Noel Prefontaine can’t tackle.
Alex Brink (@AlexBrink10)
“Shoot I forgot it #SharkWeek I need to finish up this film and hurry home @DiscoveryCanada“
I don’t care who you are or how you make a living, no one can resist the lure of watching sharks eat things.
Watching this HBO documentary on Derek Jeter…hate the Yankees but got a lot of respect for this guy #FirstClass
Much like how it’s impossible to turn away from sharks doing shark things it is just as hard to hate Jeter.
“Sometimes you wish you could go back and tell them how much they meant to you…“
This was in response to the untimely and tragic passing of coach Richard Harris. I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way to respond to such a tragedy on twitter. I do know that Brink could not have summed it up better. I think we all have felt that way at some point in our lives.
Tad Kornegay (@Thadito )
“Off to this apple store downtown. The macbook needs to be fixed immediately!!“
I was surprised this wasn’t soon followed by I HATE THE F$%&NG! APPLE STORE tweet. Is there ever a time where you don’t wait in a massive line? That place is more chaotic than customs on Christmas Eve!
“Hahah Jersey Shore is back this thur!!!! Thank you lord!!! Hahaa“
I know I said that I wouldn’t discuss religion any more but I am hoping that no deity played any part in the creation of Jersey Shore. I’m hoping Tad takes a page from Alex Brink and tunes into HBO or Discovery. Or why not combine the shows? You’re telling me you wouldn’t watch Jersey Shore meets Shark Week? Think of the possibilities! I’m seeing Snooki in a massive hot tub with a Mojito surrounded by Tiger Sharks.
Jason Barnes (@JayBarnes81)
“Damn idk what to do with myself.. My PS3 and cable went out today.“
Jason I would feel bad for you if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re team is 5-0. Hey have I mentioned that I had Edmonton ranked last in my pre-season polls? #Iamanidiot
