Siddeeq Shabazz
CFL.ca
Continuing from my last blog on the lessons that brought me to my current state of mind here is lesson 3.
- Lesson 3 – Ego identification is a tough cycle to break, but on the other side of it is true joy and happiness.
This was the most profound lesson that I learned. As an athlete, and always being put on a pedestal – it can be hard not to develop an ego and a lot of self pride. As a youngster I always tried my best to not fall into that stereotype by keeping my football life separate from everything else. I went as far as to never wear my football clothing around campus, sit in the front of my classes, and participate in discussions – you know the stuff you don’t normally consider to be behavior for the jock’s or cool kids. I even went as far as wearing non-prescription glasses (I guess I needed all the help I could get appearing studious to professors).
I would hold this up so well that a lot of my classmates didn’t know I was a ball player until my face was on our poster my senior year. I mistakenly felt, that by acting like a regular college student I could avoid a lot of the traps most athletes fall into. I thought I led a pretty humble life, but it wasn’t until I broke up with my fiancée to get myself together that I would learn the truth. I then decided that I knew exactly what it was I wanted in my life, and tried to get my girl and family back, when I found out that she had finally found the strength to move on without me. Getting through this situation would teach me how my ego was the biggest issue in my life.
This was when I returned from NFL Europe and was getting ready for camp with the Miami Dolphins. Those months I spent scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to salvage my family, brought me back down to earth as my ego and pride would be dismantled. I would experience myself anew and see my life much more clearly being on that unfamiliar side of a relationship for the first time, which I had previously related to weakness and women. Though it hurt so bad at the time, I look at this as one of the defining moments in my life thus far.
I lost my dream job, and probably a little respect from my two more macho younger brothers Shukree and Siju who witnessed a lot of the groveling and tears on my part, but I gained so much more in hindsight. This is when my journey really started to take off – it felt like I had a clean slate and a new lease on life. Plus, before this I wasn’t sure if I even had emotions, so going through the gamut of them during this period affirmed how human I was, and awoke my passion for improving the human condition. That’s why I can share so openly even in a platform like this where most of us are scared to talk about “real life.” The funny thing is that it’s all real life, and it all comes out in the end anyway, so we do ourselves no justice by hiding and masquerading around because those are the things that create stress, and sickness, and help us build up our egos as we start to think we are all the things we have and do.
By sharing so openly I hope others will start to feel more comfortable being open and real, and let go of some of their own inhibitions. Here’s wishing you the best till next time.
Siddeeq Shabazz is a second-year linebacker with the Edmonton Eskimos. He led the team in defensive tackles as a rookie in 2007. He is also a lifestyle coach for www.yourdayetc.com.
