Siddeeq Shabazz
CFL.ca
In his book “Ageless Body Timeless Mind” Deepak Chopra said “fear is not a good motivator because it creates its own stress,” and we’ve all heard the role stress plays in all sorts of ailments such as cancer, heart disease, etc. That helps explain how fear helped me create the patterns in my life that would help me get as far as I did but in the end the stress it caused would also contribute to me getting cut from the NFL.
Once I outgrew that level of consciousness I began to feel like I was spinning my tires in my life and my football career. I had reached that critical point where my spirit knew it deserved more, and I would have to find the ways to help it experience that. I finally decided it was time to address my issues with how I treated women, which would turn out to be another long road. I especially knew something needed to change with my relationship with my fiancée, and that’s why I made the very tough decision of splitting up with her before I made things any worse. It turned out, in her eyes, I made things worse and it would be a long while before she would forgive me for that and take me back.
I was in mini-camp with the Dolphins when it all came to a head. Before this point in my life my fear of losing what the NFL had to offer, helped me put my family on the back burner for the first three years of my career. Making the decision to leave mini-camp to try and salvage my family situation would mark the first time all that changed.
Needless to say, after returning for training camp, I ended up getting released for what would most likely be the last time in that league. It was hard leaving on those terms feeling like I wasn’t able to put my best foot forward, but it was great from the standpoint of setting the precedent in having my priorities aligned properly for the first time as far as my family and career were concerned. It’s funny looking back now seeing how everything aligned perfectly for me to take a good hard look at the man I was becoming, while at the same time finding the perfect outlets and support structures to help me bring my life closer to how I had always envisioned it.
It took hitting what felt like rock bottom when I felt like my relationship with my fiancée was irreconcilable and my future as a professional football player was the most uncertain, that my breakthrough would start to happen. I got so depressed, and lonely that the only way to go from there would have to be up. Having my siblings there for me, especially my brothers Day and Shaheed and not having to go it completely alone made it a little easier for me to cope with.
Coupled with the many books and hours of mentoring over the past years made this a great opportunity to put to practice all the personal development strategies and skills I had learned over the past few years and see if there really was anything to all this “new-ageish,” self-mastery philosophy that I’d been spending my time studying…
Its one thing to understand something theoretically, but to experience it personally takes it to a whole new level. Even with all the mentoring and encouragement from my brothers, for at least six months I would still end up bumping my head up against the wall trying to force my relationship to work, and worrying about what would happen with my football career – which was just putting myself deeper and deeper into a depression. But I kept practicing the things that I understood should work theoretically – such as meditating, journaling, reading, and speaking with my brothers and eventually my perspective started to shift in both my personal life and my football career.
Through overcoming that pain and putting my relationship and career into perspective with the overall value of my life, I would eventually start to experience a new kind of strength and peace I could have never known before this. Next time I will focus on what this new relationship to my life and the experience of it meant for me and my career, until then, here is to health and happiness.
God bless.
Siddeeq Shabazz is a second-year linebacker with the Edmonton Eskimos. He led the team in defensive tackles as a rookie in 2007. He is also a lifestyle coach for www.yourdayetc.com.
