Jeff Piercy
CFL.ca
If ever there was a place where vigilantism and oppression coexisted, it would be in a CFL locker room. Now before anyone gets too excited, please note that I am referring to the idea of “rookie-ing”, which exists in places where it is deemed that rookies (first year professional football players) have behaved in a manner that team veterans (2nd+ year professional football players) deem inappropriate and must teach said rookies a lesson.
In “A Few Good Men” Jack Nicholson’s character ordered a “Code Red” to discipline his lacklustre marine. Here in the CFL we simply call it “rookie-ing” or “getting rookie’d”. If you want the truth, and you can handle the truth, please read on.
I could run on and on about stories of A535 in people’s jock straps, hiding people’s helmets, or garbage cans of water leaned against dorm room doors, but I have decided to focus on three of my favourite pranks. For obvious reasons all names, locations, and teams involved will remain anonymous.
#1 – The Stack Job
As one poor rookie discovered recently, Pringles potato chips aren’t the only things that stack. After a lovely evening dining with teammates, this poor soul returned to his Winnipeg hotel room to a cloud of steam. When the fog dissipated the true prank revealed itself. Every piece of furniture in his hotel room, including the neighbouring bed, had been stacked on top of this young man’s bed and the hot water had been running non-stop for hours. Needless to say, a sweat was worked up returning the contents of the room to normal, and the sweating continued all night as the room was impossible to cool.
#2 – The Wrap Job
The only thing worse than a creative veteran, is a creative veteran with too much time on his hands. After a road trip and a weekend off, a different but equally unlucky rookie arrived to practice fifteen minutes before the day’s first meeting to find only a piece of paper in his locker. Typed on the piece of paper were the directions to a scavenger hunt which informed him that every single article of anything from his locker had been wrapped tightly in athletic tape and scattered around the locker room. Each item was numbered, and the number revealed exactly what was taped up inside. Time management + prioritization = not getting fined for arriving late to meetings.
#3 – The Screw Job
As one messy youngster discovered years ago, it is important to stay between the lines. After a few weeks of constant clutter, the veterans on either side of his locker put lines of tape on the carpet creating borders which his filth was not to cross. When the tape proved to be ineffective, they took a firmer approach. Twelve 1” X 6” wooden planks were screwed over every inch of his locker, trapping all of this mess inside, and the words “Evicted: Rookies Beware” were spray painted over the boards. A small screwdriver was taped above the notice.
Jeff Piercy is in his fourth CFL season. He was a second round pick in the 2005 Canadian Draft.
