Jeff Piercy
CFL.ca
Darwinism: It is a term used to describe evolutionary concepts as related to Charles Darwin’s work on evolution.
Marwanism: It is the belief that Marwan Hage is the next step in the evolution of humans.
While we don’t yet know how many people subscribe to this new theory of evolution, there seems to be evidence to support it.
Marwan, at the tender age of 26, was named a CFL All-Star last season. No small feat. He has the charisma of a campaigning politician and scored more points on his SAT’s than the TSX dropped on Monday.
He also produces a particular brand of wit and charm that no mortal man seems to be able to duplicate.
Witness for yourself some of his more prolific quips, and ask yourself if you can afford to reject the idea of Marwanism!
“Only 3 things scare me: Obama, Osama, and yo momma!”
“Teach me to fish, and I’ll take you for a steak. Bring me a fish, and I’ll let you cook it for me.”
“You want to fine me? Go ahead and fine me! I’ll pay cash!”
“Big boy voice Rempel. Use your big boy voice.”
“Hey Piercy, did you hear that one? Write that down. Put it in my column!”
“Put some hummus on my shawarma baby!”
“Hey D-Line! Hey D-Line! This practice maybe you could please bull rush me, club me in the head, kick me in the patella, push me in the back after the play, and spit on my shoes…”
“You must be the luckiest coach on the bus… because I’m about to sit with you!”
“Second and uuhhh three, four, two, I don’t know. I can’t see it from here.”
“Hey coach, not for nothing, but even cows get to go in when it’s raining.”
“Hey you got tickets for me in Montreal? No?!? Whatta ya mean no? You’re telling me my poor little cousin can’t come to the game because you “need” your tickets? He needs them!”
“I gotta pee like a Russian race horse in the Kentucky Derby!”
“Belli! Look at you! You’re a planet!”
“George, you’re the prettiest O-Lineman in the CFL. Yes you are George. Come here and give me a kiss.”
“We should have brought a rookie; I have no cash.”
“Rookie, pay for dinner.”
“God bless America… and no one else!”
“That’s just what I do baby.”
“Gimme the room list. I’ll tell you what their conversations are like…
… Jeff Piercy and Chad Rempel. What are they talking about? They’re talking about John Deere, Booster Juice, Ireland.
… Pat Woodcock and Casey Printers. What’s going on in that room? Pat is asleep, and Casey is on his BlackBerry talking about Air Jordan’s.
… Chris Bauman and Scott Mitchell. They’re talking about Florida, the Lakers, concussions. Bauman is talking about his girlfriend.
… Peter Dyakowski and Jordan Rempel. I know what’s going on in that room. Peter is talking to his girlfriend about his new car. Rempel is on the phone but not talking, just mouth breathing.
… Robert Pavlovic and Jordan Matechuk. Pav is talking about the Croatian swim team, his big shoulders, and how he can’t stay awake in meetings. Matechuk is talking about protein shakes, how he’s always tired, and Yorkton Saskatchewan.
… Rontarius Robinson and Lawrence Gordon. Man, they are just talking non-stop but neither of them can tell what the other guy is saying!!!”
And of course, the quote I heard more than any other this past week:
“Piercy! You write down what I tell you to write down!”
Jeff Piercy is in his fourth CFL season. He was a second round pick in the 2005 Canadian Draft.
